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Minawa Miharu
12 April 2016 @ 02:00 am
I don't know if anyone still follows this journal anymore, and honestly I don't care. All I know is I need to get down how I feel because I can't talk to Tim about it, anytime I mention it he gets teary eyed too and changes the subject. My father died November 18, 2015. My hero. It left a huge gaping hole in my heart and my life, I was always a daddy's girl. It was very unexpected, he went in for a heart cath at around 9 am and less than 12 hours later I had lost him. My moods seem to swing to being ok to just crying my heart out. A part of me feels angry that he left us, I know it wasn't his choice and if he could have he would have stayed forever. It's so not fair. I feel a little lost and I don't want to say anything to anyone, family and most of my friends. I don't want to feel like a burden or to hurt them or I don't know, I just don't feel like I can. I was glad when I was able to get on here because at least here I can get down what I feel, even if it's disjointed and illogical. Writing has always helped me in one form or another to deal with pain and sadness. I guess I just haven't used it much since Tim and I go together because he's been my rock and I can tell him almost anything, but I'm not the only one who lost someone here. He lost a father in law that I know he loved and respected and I know he's hurting too so I don't want to bother him anymore than I have to, especially when I do bring it up he gets all sniffly and changes the subject. Earlier today he made a comment that I seemed sad and I told him I'm always sad which caused him to get upset and of course change the subject. I know this is something I will probably to have to broach the topic of sooner or later but I hope it will be later and a time when we are both able to handle it.

In the end I miss my father more than words can say and a part of me wonders what I am going to do without him. It killed me that on the two month anniversary of losing him I was talking to Tim about what we planned for our backyard and my first split second thought is to ask dad what his opinion was, somethign I had always done. I miss you, Papa. Every damn day.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed
Current Music: Michael W Smith How to say Goodbye
Minawa Miharu
30 May 2012 @ 01:18 pm
So I've been spending less and less time online lately. I still log on to IN through my phone ever so often and check FB, but I don't get on as much. I have no desire to. Tim and I have been spending more time together, even if it's just watching T.V. We don't fight as much, things aren't 100% better but they're slowly getting there.

Now as for the other part of my life...I'm not sure what's going on with my Mother In Law lately. She's been spending money like crazy, bought a zero turn lawnmower and a new trailer. Than she was asking Tim how much he would sell his car to her for. It's like we moved in than suddenly she's spending money like crazy. She's not saving THAT much money with us living here. All we're paying for is the utilities. I don't know where she's getting this money from and Tim has no clue as to what's going on either.

On another note I have finalized plans for my birthday :) well at least one day. I'm going to the Rainforest Cafe. It's about three hours away but Dad will drive (we're going with my parents). The next day Tim and I are going to do something as a couple. It's something we've always done. We've usually had one day with one of our families or friends and then another with just the two of us.

All in all things are going better and we have free reign on a house. So here's to hoping things keep going better.
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: calmcalm
Current Music: CSI on TV
Minawa Miharu
23 May 2012 @ 07:01 pm
Alright, been a bit sine I last updated...well I am officially moved into my mother in laws. It is SO much more relaxing here. I don't feel like I'm an inconvience and that it takes so much to do chores (laundry, dishes, etc). I just do them as they need done. It doesn't feel forced, even like it did at the apartment. Maybe because I live in a house now, just Tim and I. While it's not OUR house it is home. 

On the 17th of this month I celebrated my 4 year anniversary with Tim. Married for four years and been together for about 6/7 years. I honestly can say I never expected this to happen. <3

Apparently my cat has taken to being everywhere except our old bedroom lol. She's taken to sleeping with my father at night sometimes, and being under my brother's bed is her favorite hiding spot. I miss her so much and wish I could take her home with me. Unfortuantly that's not possible. Hell I miss having cats in general. I've always had a cat, usually outdoors, but now I don't.

On yet another note, I had posted a few posts back about my husband and this woman he was friends with, well now HER husband threw a major fit. She's not allowed to be with Tim, he made her delete Tim's phone number out of her phone. She can't text him or anything. Part of this I think is because she neglected to tell her husband that this past Weds (a week ago today) that she was spending it with Tim. Reason she apparently didn't tell him was because "it didn't come up". So a few days ago she was told she can no longer have any contact with him. It deeply hurt Tim to the point he was in tears. Lose lose situation...

I think that's it for now. I'm tired after a long day at my parents (fully cleaning all of KiKi's things - litter box and water pump). It was so frickin hot.

Well at least I'm keeping my promise to myself and trying to keep this updated more and more.
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Current Location: Home
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: Nickleback - Lullabye
Minawa Miharu
11 May 2012 @ 10:52 am
So 10pm tonight starts vacation, which is over at my mother in law's house. I talked with Tim last night and he doesn't think we'll be back to live. We'll be back to pick up our things and such...but that's it. It is hitting me hard at times about leaving KiKi and moving in general. I'm excited but nervous at the same time.

Tim's basically told me if I change my mind now he's leaving me here. Ok, to be fair not basically. He flat out told me that last night when I was bringing boxes in. Nice husband eh? :)

I'll be ok it's just going to take some getting used to that I won't have my cat, but at least she will get some attention hopefully because my father plans on turning the bedroom we're in into a library. As the hubby said if he does that I will have no problem staying up here for a few hours with my cat.

So wish me luck in this new chapter in my life. It's time for new beginnings once again.
Minawa Miharu
09 May 2012 @ 11:50 pm

Alright I love my mother, don't doubt that, but she's been driving me up the wall. Especially since she found out I'm going to be moving out. It's 20 questions, wondering what she/they did or said to make us want to move out. I can't very well tell her the truth - that we don't feel wanted here. Especially with her little comments of how long we've been there, or if we're behind on paying them asking us about the money (mind You my Dad does the bills etc not her) . Some of you know I don't have the best of relationship with my mom. Maybe /hopefully my moving out will help our relationship some.


Mother's day is coming up and I have no clue what to get her as usual. She's not really my friend and while I Love her we're not close.


The reason why I can't tell her anything is because she'll get all defensive and upset with me and angry. Par for the course. She makes me feel even to this day sometimes that I need to be the perfect child. I've gotten better at standing up for myself since Tim (thanks honey ).


I have a bad feeling things are never going to be really good between us.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

Minawa Miharu
09 May 2012 @ 12:54 am
So after my last update I had a long talk with my friend Vall. I had told her what my choices were. I made the decision to leave KiKi here at my parents house and move into my mother in law's house with Tim and our dog Mya. His mom is super thrilled about it apparently. I'm having mixed feelings. I'm going to miss my cat to death, but I know this is what is the right thing to do. Tim's miserable out here so I need to make sure he's happy before anything else.

I asked him if he's excited to be moving and he said he is. Well...I guess this upcoming week will answer any and all questions we might have.

I'll keep updating here cause it's a lot to say to a lot of people.
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: sleepysleepy
Current Music: Adam Lambert - If I Had You
Minawa Miharu
06 May 2012 @ 06:45 pm
So things aren't going good at home for me and the hubby. He hates it at the house and it depresses him when he's there. He was in the hospital in Feb with a lump on his neck. Now the bills are coming in for that. We're losing our butts again and still owe my parents $400 total for last month and this month.
Here's where I get confused. I want him happy, naturally. My mother in law asked us to move in with her, downside being I can't take my cat. My dad said I could leave her at the house but I don't know. Being at the mil's would be better for our emotional sanity/health but what about my cat? I just don't know what to do.

I have a lot more to say but for now since I'm on lunch at work this is it. If you have an opinion one way or another please comment.

Posted via m.livejournal.com.

Minawa Miharu
13 April 2012 @ 12:40 am
So my husband is friends with this woman at work - ok no biggie. I've got guy friends at work. My issue is this, she flirts with him, texts him a few times a day and a lot of times has issues with her own husband. I trust my husband completely. I know nothing would ever happen, but he knows I'm not comfortable with her. I don't know if I'm over reacting or what. The hubby today brought her a homemade beef burrito, I just...I'm so confused and don't know what to do.

This is just a quick little update about this. I'm going to bed right now so am not thinking clearly. Please comment if you have any suggestions or questions or even think I'm crazy. I'm just kinda confused right now.
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: confusedconfused
Current Music: The TV
Minawa Miharu
06 April 2012 @ 11:49 pm
So it's been almost a year since I've posted >.> <.<...yeah. I slack. A lot. So I almost think this should be called "Omg it's you" week for me. Mitch (my ex-fiancé) friended me on Facebook. I've not talked to him in YEARS, since we spoke on AIM and cleared the air between us. The other thing is Samm found me on LJ and AIM. We've spoken more recently than Mitch and myself but it's still odd to have two people from my past find me again in the same week.

Last post I wrote was about Ever. Concerning her things are still really good. I'm not afraid something will happen between us like it did with Cristina and me. Ever is a very very different person and I'm a different person than I was back then. We've hit our rough spots, and I've gotten the rough side of her tongue (NOT a pleasant experience believe me!) but thankfully have gotten through them.

I'm still playing Immortal Night and unfortuantly the house I've been in for almost two years is closing. I was leaving it anyways to focus more on my RL, especially my relationship with Tim. We've just been coasting a long lately and had a long talk about that. Now after we had that talk we've got TOO much time together. UGH never a happy medium. Anyways as far as the game goes I think that leaving the house and it closing will help myself and the leader (Vallyne - another good friend of mine) have more fun in the game. It's sad to see it go but it's time.

Tim and I are living with my parents still, trying to save up to buy ourselves a house. It's slow going but almost all of our bills are paid off so we'll be able to save even more.

I think that's about it...lol. Not a lot considering it's been a year almost since I've updated, but ah well. 
Current Mood: hungryhungry
Current Music: David Bowie - Underground
Minawa Miharu
16 June 2011 @ 02:31 pm
So through my game Immortal Night I have met yet another wonderful person. You know they always say you have a twin out there somewhere? Ever (as I call her, I won't use her rl name out of respect) seems to be mine. She's younger than I am by about 6 years and 2 months exactly but she's touched me in a way no one has since Cristina. It's the first time since Cris walked out of my life that I have found someone who seems to understand me - not my character but ME. Vall/Kelly and Stormy/Tasha do too but as much as I care for them Ever has a special place in my heart.

We've known each other for quite a few months but she joined my house in the game and we really started talking. It's so odd to realize that she's my (as I say) Sister of the Soul. For once another female since Sammantha and Cris has the power to tear me apart, but for the first time I don't worry about it.

I won't call her sister of the heart, because that phrase still belongs to Cris despite everything. Always will and I could never ever say that to someone else, but Sisters of the Soul fits so much better. We have so many common interests *laughs* it's weird. I have never had a sister irl before but I imagine if I had she would be like Ever.

Ever I know you will read this and I'm thankful every day that we met and have actually gotten to KNOW each other. I'm here for you always and hope you know that. Thank you for being my friend and my Sister of the Soul. I love you lots.
Current Mood: happyhappy
Current Music: Within Temptation - Sinéad