So floating through LJ and remembering things I'm thinking to my last post and wondering...do I really wish I could clear things with those people? David...yeah maybe. Even after all this time I still think of him. I don't remember if he knew I was engaged before he left or not. I want to talk to him and see what he thinks of my being married happily so...lol never thought it would happen myself.

As for Sammantha...do I REALLY want to clear the air with her? The more I think about it...no. Does it make me regret it? A little yeah. But to be honest...as much as my past may hurt sometimes it is my past and it's meant to stay that way.

From my past there have been two-three constant people...Justin, Shelly, and Maggie. Another person from my past has shown up in the past few weeks...Kristal. *smiles* Who would've thought? Things ended badly but I think we both agreed that it's not important. She messaged me congratulating me on my marriage quite a while ago, and slowly we just talked whenever we saw each other. Now we talk almost all the time, which is nice. HYPER ASS KRISTAL! lol...that part doesn't seem to have changed.

I do have friends...they're just far away which makes me sad. Thank though to those who have been there. Love you all.

So lately a lot of things have been causing a lot of memories to come back...ones that were happy ones but are now painful ones. I got into a fight with Tim, a bad one. I didn't talk to him all night and partly into the next day. I was wishing Cris was around because it was one of those times where I would just crawl into her lap and start crying...

A few weeks ago I was talking to a real good friend of mine about it his response was it's not too late. Unfortuantely he was wrong. There are a lot of people in my past I wish I could talk to and straighten things out with...Samm, D, sometimes Jessica. I was lucky with Mitch...him more than anyone I wanted things to be good with, to clear the air. That happened, with only a little bit of talking the air was cleared between us.

I don't know what the future holds for me or my husband. At times things seem like they are falling apart at the seams with our families at other times WE want to wring THEIR necks.

I know anyone who still cares and still reads what little I post here will think I may be whining...but I don't write anymore. I need to so bad...I guess I just feel I never have time or any inspiration anymore...who knows maybe I will actually try and force myself to write. Sometimes that helps. Maybe I'm just blocking it because I don't want to hurt.

I've not told Tim any of this I don't think I want to. He worries so much as it is. Worries about bills etc. Hopefully the new year will bring new ideas, and new starts. Wish us luck with the new year...

Kat Out

So yeah here I am sitting with a couple friends over that my husband invited for my bday and yeah...I'm at the computer writing this not really feeling up for company. I'm not sure why. Most of my friends seem to be just flakes anyways. Invited three over tonight, only two showed up. One of them only because Tim was pissed...I'm not sure about the other.

Mike is so obssessed with his new girl toy that he barely sees anything other than her. He shows up around 10ish and than leaves around midnight. Two hours... I'm so tired of all this. I'm tired of not having true friends.

To be honest I didn't really want my friends, if you would call them that, to come over today. Tommorow I'm also having a bonfire/cookout at my parents and invited two friends...one SUPPOSEDLY is busy and Mike isn't sure. Whatever. I'm tired of this. I wish Justin and Shelly lived closer...

I watched P.S. I Love You the other night with my mom and realized that Tim was basically my Gerry. I don't know what I would do without him.

The two of us had a very serious conversation about a week or two ago and since than I've been more careful than ever to not hurt him. He was worried partially because of Mitch messaging me out of the blue a while ago and than me saying I still cared deeply for an ex. Is it Love I feel for this man? No. I love him as a friend yes I can say that but as more...it's hard to explain all that I can say is I care deeply and he's basically my best guy friend. I told Tim that I loved HIM, not anyone else. I miss him whenever he's away, I go through the day making little mental reminders to tell him this or that, or to ask his opinion on something.

People have looked at me and looked at my past with my string of broken hearts on both sides and wondered "How can she stay faithful?" Easy. I desire no other except him. I also have no desire to kill him emotionally as I know thats what would happen. In doing that I would hurt myself as well.

There is only one or two other people that know about this fight/talk Tim and I had and it's going to stay that way, even if you ask. It's simply too private and personal.

I think that's it...I've just been wanting to get this out and down somewhere, preferably not myspace either so I put down in here. I love you, Pup.

K.L.

P.S. I know this kinda sappy but oh well ^^;;

My mother called Tim tonight...told him that the man who's been my dad's best friend since school and my second 'father' has only a few days to live...I'm stunned...and depressed. I don't want him to go...I don't want him to die.

As I'm typing this I'm sitting here crying my eyes out. He wasn't able to come to the wedding because of the fact he was so sick. I didn't actually think he would die so soon...I don't care what I have to do but the day of the funeral if I work there is no way I'm going into work. I will be there one way or another. I want Tim with me too because I don't want to have to be strong for daddy again...not like when Abe died...

Please keep Gene in your prayers.

That name has not passed these lips in four years...four years. Last night after I went to bed I got a message from him asking if he would get a reply back or if I still hated him. I don't hate him. I'm sad...sad because of four wasted years when we used to be so close. Four years of not having heard from him or anyone else. I heard his G-Ma died. I'm sorry about that. She was a nice woman.

It was just so weird. He got on his afternoon/evening and I messaged him. He said he was surprised because he hadn't expected a reply back. He thought I would still hate him...though honestly there's not really a lot of room in my life for hate. I've been happily married three months to the man of my dreams, I've got good friends and my 'kids'. I'm not sure when I stopped hating him, if it was a sudden thing or a gradual thing. All I know is I don't hate him anymore.

I thanked him for having insight where I did not to know we would not last. He said we were a good couple but just had too many differences. That surprised me...and touched me. A part of me will always love him simply because of how much time we spent together as a couple and as friends. Off and on for years.

It just really surprised me...who knows what will happen now?

I've been waiting so long to find such happiness I've found with Tim. I can honestly say I never thought I would end up with someone...yeah I'd date and stuff like with Ren and D and such but did I truly think I would find someone and marry them? I hoped but I didn't think so.

Watched 27 dresses recently and one part in there reminded me of my own wedding...the line where they say they like to watch the grooms face as the bride walks down the aisle. I did that with my own groom and I saw the instant he laid eyes on me he started crying. It felt surreal almost like a dream...lol I told him later at the reception that I almost had this urge to stop and shake my head wondering if it was real...it was a wonderful day all in all...hard to believe we've been married almost three months lol..

Kyo-Chans I hope you're wedding is as beautiful and everything. Love yas both.

And a shout out to Renny ^^ Happy B-Day!!!

Oh yeah...I'M ON VACATION WOOT!!!

lol Kat Out

I told you peoples I would add a post with a link to photobucket...I'm still working on adding and editing pics so check back often! http://s218.photobucket.com/albums/cc10/Kat_Starling/Wedding/

I'm sorry to everyone on here who doesn't have me on MySpace...I've seriously been lagging here lol...considering the last time I posted was last year.

So anyways Tim and I got married May 17 and it was a beautiful day weather wise and everything else. I'm so lucky to be with him and have him. I don't have my pictures yet but I should be getting them in about a week or so and once I do I'll post them on Photobucket and than put the link to them on here. Promise!

Found out yesterday Tim's ex-gf (who's seriously disturbed) sent my step-father in law and my mother in law a sympathy card...yes a SYMPATHY CARD! Why? For Tim marrying me and shit like that. I'm not exactly sure what it said but it pissed both of them off...I don't want to sound like i'm tooting my own horn here but his parents love me to death and vice versa (for the most part i'll explain that another time). So his mom has said this is the final straw and she's going to contact her and meet with her and take the card. Deb's going to let Sarah know that the card was stepping over the line. I can't wait to hear what happens from that meeting. Seriously that card was just going too far and the fact that she tried calling Deb the day of the wedding...

Friday is also my 23rd birthday. XD I'm getting OLD lol nah just kidding. Going over to my parent's on Thurs night to celebrate and than Tim is taking me out to movie and dinner on Friday, not sure what movie I want to see yet though...Seen Iron Man like 2 or 3 times seen Prince Caspian like 4 or 5 (loved both movies obviously lol) so I'll have to see what's playing. Any suggestions?

Well not much else to say...other than...I GOT MY PICTURES! I'll be starting up a Photobucket account and posting them there. I'll add another post with the link. Well I'm outties gotta make lunch for work than go to work. BLAH.

Kat

For those of you who had me as a friend on MySpace and suddenly I'm no longer there...yeah my profile got deleted somehow. I'm in the process of trying to figure out how. Not too happy right now as I had a lot of time and energy invested in it. So I guess until than lj will have to do for a while. lmao it's been a while since I've used lj simply because most everyone I have on here is on MySpace and for those of you don't have one? YOU NEED TO GET ONE! XD

Ok so we gave my mom the ok to get the church hall and come to find out its like 550 to rent, 50 for the kitchen, 10 for beer on top, and 200 clean up...all resulting up to nearly NINE HUNDRED BUCKS! So yeah I and Tim are more than a little pissed off right about now.
She says she's doing everything she can to find another hall...All I have to say is she better hurry because time is running short.

For the first time in god knows how long I glanced at Sammantha and D's journals. Out of the two of them who would I rather have back in my life (if I wanted them)...D. Weird but true. *shrugs* Chalk up one for nostalgia. Why would I rather have D than Samm? Fuck if I know lol. Just my opinion.

Damn it's been like two months almost since I've updated. I'm now 22 for those of you who don't know it my b-day was Wed the 20th. Thank you to Renny for wishing me a happy b-day.

Yeah I've still been around just kinda obsessed with Gaia Online and MySpace. I've also been dealing with bouts of depression due to work, I'm easy to anger and easy to cry...and scared shitless half the time because I just got a coaching and my next one will be a D-Day. Monday Tim and I are going to fill out a resume for me and I'm going to send it out. I just want out of Wal-Mart so bad it's not even funny.

Speaking of business...Tim and I got involved with an internet business. It's called T.E.A.M. - Together Everyone Achieves More. If you want to know more about it just ask.

Hows the wedding coming? Shitty. My mom needs to call halls and shit because she said she would pay for the hall and now she's not doing anything. Meh. Any suggestions on getting the idea rolling?

Nothing much else to say.

Kat Out

Teepo: So it really does take a year to plan a wedding?

OH yeah...x_x I called a photographer today, a hall today, and I emailed a caterer today. Hopeing to go with the hall and I'm thinking I'm prolly going with this photographer. His mother in law is my moms friend o.o; she reccommeneded him and he's sending me pictures of some of the work he's done tommorow.

Tim and I have also picked out the wedding rings we want. It's a matching set with an engagement ring, wedding ring for her and him. My mom said the ring I have now, my real engagement ring that I have looks like what she called a pre-engagement ring. Now from the start tim and I have said we're not a typical couple. We're both very involved in the planning, although I do most of the calling I don't make any decisions without consulting him first. If I did he would be mad at me lol.

Sometime next week mom wants me to go with her to a bridal shop and check out more dresses. I'm willing to.

Sorry I've not talked to ANYONE in ages, I've been busy with work and not feeling good. Post more some other time.

It's been almost 20 days since I've updated. I'm so tired. You see I have this rash of sorts (not sure what it is) and it itches like crazy (dad thinks it may be poison ivy) the doc gave me some medicine but it causes difficulty in sleeping. It sucks. I slept so bad last night and have been up since like 6:30. Tim is in the bedroom right now sleeping. He himself isn't feeling good because he didn't enough today so he's got a headache and is lying down.

Got upset with Ren the other day, he knows why. Though I swear if he didn't live in Phoenix Tim would have beat his ass. o.o he's a lil possesive of me. ^^ He's not too bad but it's enough to make me feel loved.

Family is doing ok. See them about once a week or so though ma's been having major mood swings like you wouldn't believe sometimes. Ah well. It's family.

Not really a whole lot else to say so I'm outties. Just wanted to let you all know I'm still kicking.

Kat Out

I'm not even at home anymore and my mom still is being a bitch. Things are getting so bad with her, this sunday on Easter I work 10-7 so I'm not going to go to mass. She wants me to go to 8AM mass. I don't think so. Bah...not much else to say. On the phone with Cris. Post more later.

Been awhile since I've updated cause I've not had access to a computer. My friend Mike recently fixed my parents computer and I'm able to get back on. though hopefully soon I will have internet at my place too which would be wicked cool. More on that later though hopefully.

So freaking tired. My mother even though I don't live with her anymore has been driving me nuts. Today was my G-ma's birthday party and my mom was complaining that my shirt was riding up some (not even enough to show skin but enough to bug her) I turned and said for her to back off please which pissed her off and caused her to tell my bro i flew off the handle. I'm just really tired of it. Bro says that I should just let it roll off but excuse me I'm not into as much practice as he is.

I now have a primary at work, I'll be working in Shoes for now. Not sure how long that will last. Hopefully long enough...

Not really much else to say jsut been busy working days and midshifts and my schedule being all screwy. So I'm gonna jet for now.

Kat Out

It's really hard right now. My great aunt El (Eleanor) died Thursday and tomorrow is the funeral. I miss Tim right now because I'm at the parents house. I feel about crying right now cause I miss him so bad and want him to be here and because I miss aunt El and wish she would have been able to see me marry. But from what I hear she was in a lot of pain so she's in a better place. My Grandma M. (her sister) was waiting for her because Aunt El died on Grandma's birthday. My brother is waiting too...tomorrow is the six year anniversary of his death. *gives a slight laugh* and the day after that is my six month anniversary with Tim. God it hurts...I miss them all so much...

Justin in case Cris didn't tell you I'm sorry for snapping at you when we talked, I just didn't really like the fact someone I thought had known me well had thought just because they thought I was pregnant I had gotten engaged. I didn't realize you guys had known about the scare I had and didn't know how it had come out. Which was obviously negative, thank God...

Not really a whole lot else to say. I think I'm off for the night because Tim's about to get off and I want to talk to him before I go to sleep.

Love you all.
Kat

1. I've come to realize that my last kiss was...
this afternoon before Tim left for work

2. I am listening to...
the T.V. in the other room

3. I talk...
about lots of stuff.

4. I love...
Tim

5. My best friend(s)...
two of them work at the same place I do and the other lives in Florida.

6. My first real kiss...
was when I was 18

...where did 7 go...?

8. I hate it when people ask...
about my personal life when I barely know them

9. Love is...
amazing with Tim

10. Marriage is...
what is going to happen in a about a year to me ^^

11. Somewhere, someone is thinking...
"I'm bored. What's there to do?"

12. I'll always...
love my family and friends (even if they drive me nuts)

13. I have a crush on...
ummm....let me think here...is Ren...no...Justin? No...oh yeah I know...XP Duh my fiance!

14. The last time I cried was because...
my great aunt had just died and Tim wasn't able to be at the funeral or anything with me (last night was the last time I cried)

15. My cell phone...
is always getting beat up lol

16. When I wake up in the morning...
I'm a little grouchy

17. Before I go to bed...
I always either play a video game or watch a movie

18. Right now I am thinking about...
home...wishing I was there (at my parents house right now and spending the night)

19. Babies are...
Cute but sometimes annoying

20. I get on myspace...
and i realize that i never update lol

21. Today I...
went to a funeral showing

22. Tonight I...
need sleep

23. Tomorrow it will be...
the funeral

24. I really want to...
find another job

25. Someone that will most likely repost this...
the few people who are on my list and want to do it?

This was my first valentines Day with Tim and he spoiled me like nobody's business. I got a silver bracelet that says love on it, a silver necklace with a red rose in a heart, a big red bear from Wally World that holds a heart saying "You & Me", two cards, a dozen red roses, a silver vase to put them in with a heart on the vase, and Carrie Underwood Some Hearts Cd. o.o I made out like a bandit!

He got a stuffed puppy with a collar and a heart that says 'I love you', two cards, a new wallet, and ah something for me to wear for him. lol that's all I'm going to say about that. And I'm taking him out to eat tommorow at Olive Garden.

But right now I'm over at my 'rents with him and it's going pretty good. For once. I gave my parents cards and my mom a necklace and caused my dad to start crying. Aww...

Welp not really a whole lot else to say other than fact that my area and area's surrounding me are in level two and three snow emergencies >.> BAH HUMBUG!

^^ BAI!
Kat Out